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Chris Tanis | EFT-Gestalt-Systemisch

EFT-Gestalt-Systemisch-Haarlem
Relationship & Couples Therapy Haarlem
Zaanenstraat 18
2022 CP Haarlem
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βœ“ I also offer online therapy

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Relationship & Couples Therapy Haarlem

Do you long for a relationship in which you feel close and live your potential?
In which you feel loved, supported and  share your responsibility for creating a loving relationship? 
In which you can discuss sensitive issues with each other without endless fights?
Do you want to regain trust in each other after infidelity?
And want to revive your sex life? (creating intimacy is the answer) 

It is possible and I would love to guide you in this journey.


Relationships

If you are in love with each other, have a enjoyable sex life, a nice and cozy family and a bright future ahead of you, then you won't see any dark cloud in the sky. You will stay together forever.

But if, over time the first real disappointments occur and you aren't able to discuss these painfull situations satisfactory then most likely you will be slowly drifting away from each other. Simple disagreements can easily degenerate into hefty quarrels. Or you are avoiding these conflicts and feel lonely. Serious doubts about continuing your relationship start to emerge. 

 

It becomes more complicated if you already had one or more serious relationships behind you and/or form a blended family. Then you and/or your partner will bring along more vulnerability within your relationship. Children could demand your full attention and / or one of you reacts out of guilt for breaking up your native family. That pattern could give a lot of turmoil.



Dynamics

You may recognize some of the following interactions an/or inner thoughts:

 

  • You avoid to share your feelings and primarily talk about superficial things and don’t feel emotionally connected. You have the impression that your partner is mentally “somewhere else”. You want more in-depth conversations, especially about sensitive matters.

 

  • One of you is constantly directing his/her attention to the other in order to please. It makes you feel unbalanced or restless and want to hear his/her opinion. Or your partner is often more concerned with him/herself and you feel neglected.

 

  • You don't succeed in solving arguments satisfactory. You are always bogged down in the same patterns. Blaming each other instead of expressing your desires, your needs. You stopped doing little sweet things for each other. The “favor and fun” factor has disappeared.

 

  • You understand each other, but that doesn't change the situation or pattern. One of you can't or is not willing to take his/her responsibility for his/her share or behavior. You are always pushing to change but nothing happens. You feel depressed and frustrated, powerless. 

  • You don’t enjoy sex any more. Your relationship is starting to resemble a professional relationship in which you focus on efficiency and get the job done. You long for playfulness, lightness, sexuality, but shame, fear or a lack of self confidence blocks you to discuss this matter properly.


Often I encounter these dynamics within couples and also recognize some in my personal life. The good thing is: you can turn these around. I consider myself as an example. I have faced some of these challenges too and I learned to do it.  So I would be honoured to guide you in this challenging but very rewarding journey.

 

Couple Guidance

Within Couples therapy or guidance you'll experience yourself how you can raise sensitive issues, without getting into a fight each time. How you can solve delicate issues satisfactory. Become aware that you both play your own role in the interactions.

 

With the experiential methods from EFT, System and Gestalt therapy you ‘ll be encouraged to experience your actual communication patterns and what drives you underneath. I’ll show you how to acknowledge each other’s thoughts and feelings so you learn to create a safe and positive ground to further explore and share your inner thoughts and feelings about each other and about yourself. You will slowly feel more emotionally connected, more closeness and able to express your own needs and wants more clearly.

Gestalt focusses also on your body posture and expression. It is just as important as your mind in engaging positive change. Our bodies never lie. They show us our unaware feelings and emotions and it will guide you in your journey.

 

My own relating experience is just as important as my knowledge. I ‘ll support your positive intentions and assess your “love flow”: where or when is it blocked and how can I support your process to revive it again. I’ll challenge your leadership in creating the love you want and will confront you if needed in a sensitive way. As a male therapist, I can relate to what emotionally drives men maybe a bit more easily. 

Imagine what it would be like to build on your self confidence and learn a new way of connecting. I can't offer you a guarantee, but I'm sure it will help you in your development to become a more loving person.



Results

Engaging Couples therapy you will be able to:

  • experience more emotional connection,
  • express your feelings more clearly and freely,
  • know better what you want and what’s really important for you,
  • settle disagreements in a more satisfactory and authentic way,
  • (re)discover your own and your partner's intimacy (the foundation for a flourishing sex life ;-),
  • Step out of the blame-game and start communicating your desires and wants instead of your reproaches and complaints.

 

Who am I?

Born in ’64. My therapeutic drive probably stems from my youth, broad up in a middle class rather dysfunctional family. Although my parents loved me, they were both unable to create a loving environment to grow up. They couldn't express their feelings properly. Conflics or confrontations were avoided, emotions were suppressed. As a kid, I felt all kinds of tension underneath and didn’t feel completely save and supported. As a therapist I try to open up communication without judgement.

 

After a commercial career, 10 years ago I slowly transitioned to a professional therapist. I gained experience working for the Opvoedpoli, Stichting 113 Suicide Prevention and the Depression Association. As a talent coach I also guide people to a more spiritiual suiting job in line with their spiritual talents. I had my 4 year professional education at Kempler / NSG (system / gestal therapy) and followed divers leadership courses in the field of bodywork, blockages and love, including Venwoude, Osho Humaniversity, Hannah Cuppen (separation and commitment fear) and Piet Weisfelt (love energy). I am also part of various men's groups. I strongly believe in the power of men gatherings, because present men can support and inspire each other to further develop themself.

 

I’m fully committed to my personal and relational development. The way my wife and I are dealing with our issues, is a great source of inspiration. I have learned to protect myself when feeling vulnerable. That’s one of the basics to develop a healthy and loving relation. I am not perfect (and my wife neither πŸ˜‰), so sometimes we also learn by trail and error. 

Besides my passion as a therapist, I love to play tennis, walking with our dog and cook amazing diners. Occasionally I go wild on the dance floor and one day I will give couple retreats together with my wife to build up a strong community with happy couples. And last but not least I enjoy to be together with my 3 kids. 


Questions? 

If you need more information, please contact me. Usually we can set a date within 2 weeks.

Chris

Online therapy

I prefer to have face2face contact, but in case of emergency I do set up online meetings. It's better to continue your process than wait too long for a f2f meeting due to quarantine situation.


Statement concerning the coronavirus pandemic

I follow the official guidelines issued by the RIVM. My practice room is more than big enough to offer the right amount of distance.

Qualifications and registrations

  • Verdiepingsjaar Gestalt aan het NSG 
  • 3 jarige Post HBO opleiding tot Ervaringsgerichte Psycho-sociaal Hulpverlener aan het Kempler Instituut (EFT, Gestalt en System therapy)
  • Psycho Sociale Basis Kennis aan Con Amore
  • Basis jaar Haptotherapie aan Synergos
  • Talentenspel Coach (door Willem Glaudemans ontwikkeld)
  • Diverse Leiderschapstrajecten bij Venwoude, centrum voor persoonlijke ontwikkeling.
  • 2 jarige Encounter training bij Osho Humaniversity


Registrations

Specialisations

Most couple therapy issues are regarding the following topics:

  • Relationship issues, due to lack of communication skills. You are unable to set up an emotional connection. You end up in a power struggle instead of a battle for love. Learn to express the right tone to each other, without sacrificing your own truth.

  • Relationship development: shake up your relation, because it became robotic. We''ll discuss topics like how to create more intimicy, meaning, loving cooperation and enjoyable sex life.

  • Regain trust when infidelity has hit your relation. I will guide you through the tough proces of  expressing anger and grief, taking responsibility, forgiving and developing a higher level of relation. Where there's a will, there's a way. 

  • Break up your relation in good understanding. If you have a family you have to work together in raising your children. It is critical for their well being that you can stop fighting or blaming each other and start working together as responsible parents.

Length of Proces


A couple of sessions could already have a significant positive impact. But experience tells me that 8-10 sessions within 2 or 3 month period, will have more long lasting results.

Most common issues I support people with:

  • Your relationship is out of balance. You differ from each other in the amount of energy you our investing in your relation.  It lacks equivalency both fysically and mentally. Development is almost blocked. 

  • Co-dependency. You have become dependent on your partners confirmation. Unhealthy parential patterns will enter your relation. Mother - Son, Father - daughter. It will kill your love flow. 

  • Fear of love/ lack of intimacy. Your parner can't show his/her empathy if you need it the most. In order to protect yourself, you decided unconsiously to stop exposing yourself.  Connection is mostly on superficial level and you relation is lacking intimacy.

  • Lack of curiousity in each other. You life together for a long time and seam to know exactly how your partner is behaving and/or reacting. You could behave like a father or mother yourself. Your partner will show passive behavior. Love energy will disappear. Partners need to be challenged in a positive way.


  • Lack of vulnerability. You blame your partner because you don't want to be vulnerable. Blaming is extremely contagious so couples enter a blame - game. You have to learn a be vulnerable (again) without sacrificing your strength.  

  • Good quarreling is an art. You don't know how to settle arguments in a satisfying way. Some couples are avoiding conflicts at all but are drifting away from each other. Other couples constantly bring up the past and can't settle their differences. It easily escalates. But angryness is also a positive emotion when setting and guarding your boundaries. You must learn to express your needs, wants and/or values.   

  • You can't deal with difference. You are keen on creating harmony and positivity, but you are afraid to pose sensitive matters which are crucial to you. You become dependent or pre-occupied or closed down. (Sexual) attraction will slowly slip away. Therapy can help you accept differences and dismantle your fear of abandonment.

Fees

A couple session will take in between 60 - 75 minutes, dependent on the situatie.
You will be charged Eur 125,-  (0 % VAT ). If you like to set an appointment in the evening (after 18.30) or in the weekend the cost will amount Eur 150,- (0% VAT)

Some couples prefer an equil balance of female and male energy. I will offer joint sessions with my partner Joan (registered therapist). It will cost Eur 200,- per session.

Normally Health insurers don't reimburse the couple therapy charges. But there are exceptions. Please check your Health insurance policy. I can guide you through the proces. 

Parking is easy and free in the neighbourhood.

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Location


Contact me

Do you want to make an appointment or do you have a question?

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